Haru's Guide on How to catch a Kyo
by Kuu.ish
Summary: [HaruxKyo] Haru decides he wants Kyo, what will he have to do in order to capture his favorite orange haired kitty?


**Kuu:** Heyyy! OMG! It feels _soooooo_ good to type again! Ahhh! -types- gkaljht3wjhwsdf Oh..How I love my dearest keyboard..I've missed my computer oh so very much! We just got electricity back today! AHAHAHA -is REALLY hyper right now- Sorry.. If you guys didn't know. Hurricane Rita tore through my town, so _no_ power to anything for like 5 days, so I'm all happy about getting it back! And during the time I was evacuated, I wrote a couple of one-shots...so here's one of them..

Rofl if it's OVERLY stupid, you can blame it on heat and boredom! Muahaha -laughs and jumps around happily- This fic started with a little Haru MSN icon I made. Kaeleer was like "that would make a good fic!" So I told her she could write one. But she said it was my idea, so i should write it. And so here it is!

And I'm dedicating it to **Kaeleer**

**And HAHAHAHA I accidently posted the WRONG fic into the WRONG storY! Thanks for tellin' me Kaeleer.**

**I feel really stupid!  
**

Woot!

**-Guide on how to catch a Kyo-

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"Ne, Yuki-kun?" Tohru asked from where she was washing dishes in the kitchen. Yuki glanced up from where he was _drying_ said dishes and gave the brown haired girl a curious look.

"Hm? What is it Miss Honda?"

"Well, it's..Um.." She said, furrowing her brows at the dish in her hand as she tried to think of how to ask what was on her mind.

"It's just _what?" _Yuki pressed.

"Don't you think Hatsuharu-san has been weird lately? I hope everything's alright.." She said worriedly. Yuki arched a confused brow at the panicky girl.

"Haru..? What do you mean? He's _always_ been "Weird"." He assured her, not really understanding what she was so _worried _about.

"I don't know, it just seems like he's been getting angry _alot_ easier lately..Like _yesterday_ at lunch, when you were at your student counsil meeting. He went Black because they didn't give him the beverage he wanted, so he threw his _entire_ tray of food at the lunch lady." She explained.

Yuki's eyes went wide in disbelief.

"He..Did?" he asked, almost embarassedly. Tohru nodded enthusiastically.

"Yup! And then Momiji said after _lunch_, he went Black because he dropped his pencil in class, and he broke it in half and started stomping on it, then he yelled at the teacher when she tried to stop him and got sent to the office! And I heard that when the principal tried to _lecture_ him, he called him a bad name and took the big globe off of his desk and threw it through the window! And then they sent him home.." Tohru told him, slightly nervous.

"All in one day..?" Yuki asked in bewilderment.

"Do you think everything is alright?" She wondered.

"I'm not really sure when it comes to Haru..Maybe he's just stressed?" Yuki said, taking a guess in an attempt to comfort the girl.

"Who's what?" Came a bored voice from the doorway.

"Oh! Hatsuharu-san! I.. Didn't know you were here!" Tohru exclaimed dumbly, hoping he didn't know they'de been talking about _him_.

"Yeah, me neither." Yuki muttered, narrowing his eyes at the ox.

Haru shrugged as he strolled into the room.

"I knocked, but I didn't get an answer..And the the door was unlocked, so I let myself in, then- **AGH!**" He yelped as e foot got caught on a chair that was pulled away from the table. He hopped around on one foot for a moment, absently trying to make the pain subside then sent a venomous glare around the room before it landed on the offending chair.

"STUPID CHAIR!" He yelled, picking up said chair and _hurling_ it across the room.

"Who the hell leaves a chair in the middle of the walkway in the _first_ place, huh!"

'_Great. he's Black...'_ Yuki mentally cursed, not in the mood to deal with the ox's darker side.

"Ch. Haru, don't take it out on the furniture. It's not the _chair's _fault." He admonished.

"Not the _chairs_ fault?" Haru growled. "That chair _bit_ me! **Argh!** Why am I even _trying_ to explain myself? Talking to _you_ is like talking to a _brick wall_." He stated irritably. "_Actually.._ A brick wall might prove to be more _responsive.." _He said thoughtfully, ignoring the scowl that was growing on the rats face.

"I don't even know why I ever wasted my time on _you_." He continued. "My white side must be _really_ stupid, or blind. Or _both _even, 'cause I _sure_ as hell don't even like being _around_ you! _But_..I'll have to admit..You _are_ nice to look at..-" He said before a fist collided with his face.

Of course, he'd been waiting for the usually _stoic_ rat to lose his cool. That had been what he was _aiming_ for. But he still felt somewhat _disappointed_ with the boring reaction.

Yuki however, was rubbing his now _sore_ fist and giving the ox a malicious glare.

"Maybe _that'll_ teach you to _think_ before you _speak._" he muttered and began walking away. He paused and looked over his shoulder in confusion when the ox started laughing. He was _still_ Black? Even after _that?_

"Aw, what's with that look? Did I hurt your feelings? You _poor_ thing." He chuckled. "I must say though. It's quite amusing seeing the wonderful '_Prince Yuki'_ lose his temper over something so _trivial_. Who woulda thought?"

"Haru, what's going _on_ with you?" Yuki asked.

Haru smirked and was about to answer the older boys questions, but their lovely little 'conversation' was cut short by another familiar, loud voice.

"Who the hell is makin' all the racket down here? I was _trying_ to sleep.." Kyo asked groggily and paused halfway in the room when he spotted Black Haru with his _usual _evil and sly grin.

"Nevermind. _Forget_ I asked. The answer is _painfully_ obvious now.." he sighed.

"Aw..You don't seem very happy to see me." Black pouted.

"Oh? That's too bad. And I was hoping not to hurt your feelings this time too." Kyo said sarcastically and rolled his eyes.

"It's alright. I forgive you. You _are_ my favorite kitty after all." He cooed, slinging an arm over the redheads shoulders.

"_DON'T_ call me that!" Kyo shouted, pushing the ox off of him. "And get _off_ me! Go pick on you precious _Yuki_ or something!"

"But I want to pick on _you_. Seeing you get all flustered is _much_ more appealing then Yuki's superiority complex."

"Wha..? I-I'm not flustered!" He sputtered embarassedly.

"Aw, you're blushing!" Black chuckled.

"_I AM NOT!"_ Kyo retorted with a glare. He was beginning to regret coming downstairs _already_..

"Oh?" The cow smirked and circled the neko a bit before heaving a sigh.

"You know, it's a shame we couldn't _choose_ out roles in the zodiac." He drawled. "Personally, I'de_ much_ rather have a fiery kitty riding my back as opposed to a tight-assed _rat_.." He said thoughtfully, sending Yuki an evil smirk over the cats shoulder and recieving an icy glare in return. His attention was diverted once again however, when he heard a snort come from the neko.

"Tch. What's _that_ supposed to mean." Kyo muttered under his breath.

"Oh, I think you know _exactly _what I mean.." Black stated and quirked his eyebrows suggestively. Kyo blinked in confusion and tried to register what the younger boy meant, and after a few moments it _clicked_. Kyo's eyes became the size of saucers and he turned about 20 shades of red.

"_What!_ Y-yo-." Kyo stuttered.

"Ah, so you _finally_ caught on.." The ox grinned in satisfaction.

"What the hell! S-stay away from me you fat cow! Have you been reading Shigure's novels _again?_" Kyo screeched, taking a step away from the younger teen.

"No, not recently. But that's _beyond_ the point.The _point _is, is I want a certain _kitty_, that being _you_." He said pointing to the redhead. "All. To. Myself." He explained with a mischievous grin, moving closer to the cat.

Kyo blanched. "Stay _away_ from me!"

"_Come on_, there's gotta be _one_ part in that mind of yours that's at least a _little_ curious! Besides, it's not like I'm gonna _bite_ you!" he smirked. "Not hard, at least."

Kyo gaped at the ox and took another step away. "**Gah!** Just stay away from me you _psychotic rapist!"_ He screamed then turned around and stalked up the stairs.

"Hey! It's not rape if you're _enjoying_ it! AND YOU _WILL_!" Black Haru called called after him.

"_Go away!"_ The older teen yelled from upstairs.

"It's even better when there's a struggle!" The ox called. "I never pictured you as the _kinky_ type, Kyo!"

The only response he got was a strangled/frustrated growl before there was the sound of a door slamming.

"Ah. I always _loved_ a good game of hide and seek." The crazed cow chuckled to himself and moved to walk up the stairs.

"A-ano.."

Black paused and looked over to where Tohru and Yuki were _still_ standing. He'd gotten so distracted with teasing his kitty, he'd completely _forgotten_ about them. He stared blankly at the girl and waited for her to speak.

"D-did..Something happen between you and Kyo-kun?" She asked worriedly.

Black arched a brow at the girl. Was she really _that_ oblivious?

"Obviously, no. Not _yet_, that is." He answered.

"What do you mean..?" She asked, nervously tapping her index fingers together. She hadn't really understood what the ox had been talking about before, so it didn't hurt to _ask_, right?

"Ah. As innocent as _ever_, I see." He deadpanned. "Well, you see..Lately, Ive been having this _really_ strong urge to hear Kyo screaming my name in ecst--" He explained, but the rest came out in a series of mumbles as Yuki immediately clamped his hand over the younger teens mouth.

"Eheh. It's nothing Miss Honda, they just- **Ahh!**" He squeaked, retracting his hand. "Did you just _lick_ me?" He asked in disbelief.

"Do that _again_ and I'll _bite_ it next time." The ox stated, obviously annoyed by the interruption and turned back to the girl.

"I just don't want anyone to get hurt.." She continued.

The ox scratched his chin thoughtfully for a moment. "Well... It'll probably hurt a little _at first_..But _then.._"

"Haru, that's _enough_." Yuki interjected once_ again._

"_What?_" He asked irritably. "Being _that_ ignorant _can't_ be healthy." He retorted. Tohru blinked in confusion, but decided to say nothing.

"Just because she doesn't have the same _perverted_ track of mind _you_ do, doensn't mean she's _ignorant._"

"U-uhm, Yuki-kun, I don't mind really. I'm curious." She said, trying to get a word in. _Completely_ ignoring the girl, Yuki continued to glare daggers at the ox.

"Alright, _fine._." Black sighed, raising his hands in defeat. "They _do_ say that 'ignorance in bliss', so you guys can just sit here and revel in your own _ignorance_ together." He said boredly and shoved his hands into his pockets. "And now if you'll excuse me, I have a certain redheaded kitty to fetch." He told him, waving casually over his shoulder as he walked away.

"Well.._Now_ we know not to get in the way of a sexually frustrated ox, don't we?" Shigure said seriously from where he sat at the table, sipping his tea. "And to think, Yuki almost let him corrupt my precious flowers mind.._Oh!"_ He wailed dramatically.

"If you were so worried about it, then why didn't _you_ say something?" Yuki asked, giving the dog and annoyed glance.

"Yuki, Yuki, Yuki..There is only _one_ word that can answer that question. BlackHaru." Shigure answered simply. Tohru nodded in agreement to the mans excuse without hesitation.

Yuki sweatdropped.

"...That's **two **words..."

* * *

Haru looked around upstairs for the missing neko, but he was _nowhere_ to be seen. The ox wasn't _too_ broken up about it, though. He knew it wouldn't be easy to find the cat if he didn't _want_ to be found.

But he didn't want to waste_ too_ much time. He still had to _find_ Kyo, then _catch_ him, since the stubborn and arrogant cat would _surely_ put up _some_ kind of resistance.

Then after _that_, he'd have to _somehow_ convince him to _give in_. He wouldn't make the older teen do anything against his own will if he didn't have to. He wasn't _that_ kind of a person. But he was sure it wouldn't be _too_ hard once he put his mind to it..The redhead wouldn't be able to fight him for _that _long..

Sighing, but not giving up, he walked downstairs. If he couldn't find the feline _himself_, then he'd just have to ask someone. And there was always _one_ person who seemed to have all of the information.

"Hey, Dog." Black called from the doorway of the inu's study. "Did you see where Kyo went?"

Shigure jumped when he heard the boy talk, but covered it up with a goofy grin.

"Oh..Haa-kun, you scared the _be-jesus_ out of me! Don't sneak up on people like that, I'm getting too old for this.."

"Could you just answer the question? I'm kind of in a hurry." The ox said boredly, shoving his hands back into his pockets.

"Alright_ already_, don't get to _hasty_. The last time I saw him, he was leaving out the back door." He said. "What do yo-" He was going to ask, but when he looked up, the doorway was already empty.

"Nevermind then." He pouted then turned his attention back to the work in front of him.

* * *

Kyo walked cautiously down the trail, trying to stay as quiet as physically possible. He'd successfully gotten out of the house without anyone seeing him, but he was _sure_ the crazed cow had noticed his absense by_ now_.

Which meant he could pop out of _anywhere_ at _anytime_.

"What's with that perverted brat anyway?" He muttered under his breath.

It wasn't that he didn't _like_ Haru, it was just bad to be around when he's Black and in one of his wierd moods, which he _had_ been for a while now. Black always gave small hints here and there, they were usually to Yuki, but lately they had all been shoved toward _him_. And now, it seemed like the ox was _obviously_ a sex deprived psychopath and hand _him_ in his sights...

He wasn't sure if that made Black Haru better or _worse_ then Kagura in _that_ context. Black wouldn't attempt to beat him within an inch of his _life_..Only molest him _a bit_, that wasn't so bad, right?

'_Gah! What am I thinking? Of course it's bad!" _Kyo's concious screamed, and mentally slapped him.

Ohh. The mental images!

'_Damn you, adolescant and hormonally imbalanced body!'_ He cursed.

Kyo froze a moment later and suspiciously looked over his shoulder when he heard a crack from behind him. He narrowed his eyes.

He didn't see anyone..

But that didn't mean no one was _there_...

Paranoid, he glanced back one more time, then turned and started walking again.

* * *

Haru sighed in relief when Kyo walked away. He thought he'd been caught for a moment there. He'd been walking down the trail, looking for the cat, but he hadn't been payying attention to the space ahead of him and almost walked straight _into_ him. Luckily, he'd been able to jump behind the nearest bush at the last minute before he was spotted.

Once they were a safe distance apart and being sure to stay somewhat _hidden,_ Black trailed the neko and waited for the inevitable moment of vulnerability to come, so he could strike.

Kyo paused again and looked around cautiously. Haru crouched in the bushes and watched the redhead with a predatory grin.

"Haru silently hides in the brush as he stalks his _prey_." He muttered to himself in sheer amusement. Kyo, by then, had finished observing his surroundings and found _nothing_.

So, deciding it was safe for the time _being_, he knelt to tie his shoe, which he hadn't been able to do when he fled the house. This action, of course, proved to be a mistake on _his_ part, because one moment he was standing up, the next moment he was on his back with something heavy on top of him.

And that only meant _one _thing.

"Game over!" Came a cheerfully evil voice.

"Ah, damnit! Get off me!" Kyo groaned, trying to wiggle out from under the ox.

Pinning the boys hands on either side of his head, Haru grinned at the redhead and leaned forward.

"Caught ya." He whispered seductively in the older boys ear.

Kyo stubbornly shook his head and tried to pull his arms out of the white haired teens grip. "Stop that! And let my hands go, you little brat!" He growled.

"You think _this_ is bad..? And I was going to bring the handcuffds _too_..But you may have _liked_ that, ne Koneko-chan?" He cooed.

"Give it up you fat cow! You're not gettin' _anything_ from me!"

Haru arched an amused brow and smirked at the flustered neko.

"Oh yeah? We'll just have to _see_ about that.."

**-END PART 1-

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**

Yes. That's right. There will be a second part. Although, I'm pretty sure it's gonna be posted seperately. Anyway, Kaeleer will be doing **PART 2**of this little two shot we started. It's gonna be great. Now she's got _two_ works to work on.

-glares at her- Get to work, you!.

Review, and give me your opinions people!

IT's like 1.45 in the mornin and I'm tired. So I'll put the other one-shot up in the mornin.

and I'll be updating Fading Memories soon too! Along with "Giving up old habits."

Eehehe!

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